12th over: Ireland 52-8 (Delany 2, Little 1) Delany survives a stumping referral after missing a slog-sweep.

We should remember that India can skittle any team in the world on better surfaces than this, as they did a few times during the 50-over World Cup. But it does feel like this pitch is sub-standard, and it must be a bit confusing for the new American fans who were promised sixes galore. Only two of the batters have scored six, never mind hit one.

“Having seen the Indian seam attack in action I can’t wait to see how good their fabled spinners are,” says Brian Withington. “Thank goodness they have no batting to speak of or we might conclude the tournament is over before it’s begun.”

Even the spin is unplayable. Axar Patel, surprisingly introduced to the attack, strikes second ball. McCarthy spoons the ball whence it came and Axar moves smartly to his right to take a good return catch.

11th over: Ireland 49-7 (Delany 0, McCarthy 0) McCarthy survives the hat-trick ball, and the next five as well, though he was beaten by at least three of them. A wicket maiden from Hardik.

“New York is super muggy,” says Luke Dealtry. “Surely that’s encouraging all the swing? Or is it just a crummy pitch?”

Bit of both I think. The pitch would be perfect for the first morning of a Test, not so much for a T20. But India have been intimidatingly good.

First ball after drinks, Adair cuts Hardik Pandya to deep point. Hardik is on a hat-trick!

10th over: Ireland 49-6 (Delany 0, Adair 3) Mark Adair, who smashed 88 in the Lord’s Test last summer, drags his first ball through midwicket for three. That’s drinks.

“Tector getting hand-rapped reminds me of the greatest finger-smashing of all time: John Dye v Barry Wood in 1976,” writes Marcus Abdullahi. “It is gruesome – and even worse than Gooch’s in the Caribbean.”

Blimey, I’ve never seen that before. Nor had I seen John Dye bowl; that’s one of the great run-ups.

There’s no need for India to bowl spin until at least the 17th over as they have four seamers.

Spoiler alert: there won’t be a 17th over. After two missed chances off the first two balls of the over, Dockrell top-edges Siraj straight to mid-on. The end.

9th over: Ireland 44-5 (Dockrell 1, Delany 0)

Campher launches Pandya over long-on for six, but Pandya lands he decisive blow with the last ball of the over. Campher gets a thin-edge through to Rishabh Pant and walks off, ending a briefly promising knock of 12 from 8 balls.

8th over: Ireland 36-4 (Campher 5, Dockrell 0) That was the last ball of the over.

Majestic bowling from Bumrah. He bounces out Harry Tector with a horrible delivery that hits glove and then helmet before looping to cover. Tector, who tried to hook, was wringing his hand in pain before the catch was taken. He struggled throughout, making 4 from 16 balls.

7th over: Ireland 32-3 (Tector 1, Campher 4) Curtis Campher flicks his first ball behind square for four, an excellent shot.

Hardik Pandya strikes with his fifth ball, a superb nipbacker that beats Tucker’s pretty drive and knocks back the middle stump. India’s quicks are just too good, certainly on this pitch.

6th over: Ireland 26-2 (Tucker 9, Tector 1) Apparently life wasn’t tough enough for the Ireland batters, because here comes Jasprit Bumrah. He starts with a maiden to Tector, including one vicious delivery that rips past the outside edge.

At the end of the over Tector, who was hit on the glove twice by Arshdeep, wolfs down some painkillers.

5th over: Ireland 26-2 (Tucker 9, Tector 1) Tector is hit twice on the glove by nasty deliveries from Arshdeep, who also fires four wides down the leg side. This pitch isn’t fit for purpose, not if that purpose is capturing the American market.

A peculiar 10-ball over from Arshdeep includes three more wides, an inswinger that Tector thick-edges for a single, a seaming lifter that beats Tucker and finally a poor ball that Tucker flat-bats to the cover boundary.

4th over: Ireland 13-2 (Tucker 5, Tector 0) Tucker is beaten by consecutive jaffas from Siraj that rip off the seam. This is a very lively pitch, same as for the Sri Lanka v South Africa game, and we’re currently watching Test cricket in coloured clothing.

Tucker premeditates a ramp for four, a risky but well played shot, and then plays and misses for the third time in the over. That time he was beaten by the bounce rather than seam movement.

3rd over: Ireland 9-2 (Tucker 1, Tector 0) Ricky Ponting, commentating on the game, thinks batting will be toughest against the new ball and that Ireland need to play accordingly. It is doing all sorts.

Two in the over for Arshdeep Singh! Balbirnie, who was really struggling with the lateral movement, plays down the wrong line and is cleaned up. He was trying to open the face to work it to third man, but he was nowhere near it. The shot of a man with a scrambled brain.

Paul Stirling slogs Arshdeep miles in the air and is well taken by Pant, running back towards the boundary. That’s an excellent early wicket for India; on his day, Stirling can pummel any attack.

2nd over: Ireland 7-0 (Balbirnie 5, Stirling 2) Mohammad Siraj’s first over is even livelier. Balbirnie is beaten by three deliveries in a row, the last of which explodes from a length and is brilliantly stopped by Rishabh Pant. Balbirnie gets a boundary when Siraj strays onto the pads.

1st over: Ireland 3-0 (Balbirnie 1, Stirling 2) Stirling walks down the track to time his first ball through the covers for … two. That would have been four on most grounds.

There’s a bit of swing for Arshdeep, who beats Stirling with a ball that keeps a bit low. Stirling’s second and third attempts to walk down the track are less successful; Arshdeep cramps him for room with one delivery and then zips a bouncer past his noggin. A really good start.

Here we go. The left-arm quick Arshdeep Singh will open the bowling to Andrew Balbirnie and Paul Stirling.

It’s overcast in New York and the pitch has a few green patches, so this looks like a really good toss for India to win – especially as they have four seamers including Hardik Pandya.

India have left out Yashasvi Jaiswal, Kuldeep Yadav, Sanju Samson and Yuzvendra Chahal. That means Virat Kohli will open with Rohit Sharma.

No surprise in the Ireland side.

India Rohit (c), Kohli, Suryakumar, Dube, Pant (wk), Hardik, Jadeja, Axar, Bumrah, Arshdeep, Siraj.

Ireland Stirling (c), Balbirnie, Tucker (wk), Tector, Campher, Dockrell, Delany, Adair, McCarthy, Little, White.

The match referee David Boon originally said that Ireland had won the toss, but it was a genuine mix-up on his part. Paul Stirling called heads, the coin landed tails-up.

“We’re not too sure about the conditions,” says the India captain Rohit Sharma, “so having a score in front of us will be ideal.”

Stirling says Ireland would also have bowled.

“I recently learned that the expression ‘winging it’ refers to under-rehearsed actors rushing into the wings for a butcher’s at a well-thumbed prompt book (the source of all the Shakespeare plays we have) for their next few lines,” writes Gary Naylor. “Those 17th-century prompt books are 21st century iPads in the hands of analysts and powered by AI aren’t they?

“‘Old fashions please me best; I am not so nice
To change true rules for odd inventions.’”

Every industry has its chancers – you’re reading one of them – but my instinct is that the best cricket analysts are worth their weight in World Cups. I’m not sure England would have won in 2019 without Nathan Leamon.

Lads lads lads lads lads

Andy Bull + cricket = the healthy kind of clickbait

The weather forecast

It’s okay. Overcast, but okay. Whoever wins the toss will have a tricky decision. Actually, that’s nonsense – both captains have a tricky decision because they have to work on the assumption they’ll win it, otherwise they’d be winging it, and that’s no way to achieve success in modern society. I suspect whoever wins it will bowl first, but with the nagging feeling that chasing 140 could be slippery.

Good day one and all. We can all surely agree that, in the last decade or so, the world has taken a very weird turn. In centuries to come, if there are centuries to come, when historians reflect on the years 2014-23, the thing that will cause the most head-scratching is painfully obvious: that India didn’t win a major ICC competition in that time. When you consider their power and their population, their brilliance and their Bumrah, it’s almost unfathomable that the 2013 Champions Trophy was their last major honour.

India’s latest attempt to rule world cricket on the field begins with a match against Ireland in New York. The pitch for the first game here, between Sri Lanka and South Africa, was unusual and awkward, so it would be unwise to make too many predictions. Except maybe a Virat Kohli fifty; that’s usually a safe bet. At the age of 35 he has found another level as a T20 batter, which is a chilling thought for everyone else.

As well as Kohli, India have Rohit Sharma, four brilliant spinners, the advantage of knowing where they will play their semi-final (Guyana, often spin-friendly). They have Jasprit Bumrah, the world’s No1 T20 batter in Suryakumar Yadav, a fit-again Rishabh Pant, and yes I really could go on.

In short, India have all the tools to win the competition. But having the tools has never been the problem.

Play starts at 3.30pm BST, 10.30am in New York