Coleen Rooney’s Review of “The Real Wagatha Story”: Tedious and Boring for Hours on End
The notoriety of the Wagatha Christie scandal, which unfolded on social media and later in court, had two main aspects. Firstly, it was a highly dramatic event with very little at stake. Secondly, it had a grand scope but took place within a short enough period of time to hold our attention in today’s fast-paced world.
Coleen Rooney: The true account of the Wagatha Story has not been shared with us. It appears to be offering a three-hour glimpse into behind-the-scenes details, a retelling of every click on social media posts, a thorough explanation of Rooney’s thoughts, as well as a recap of her personal life, including childhood and marriage. It is unclear how many people are interested in a tour of Wayne’s trophy room in their mansion, but I imagine it is not a large portion of the audience. Most viewers are likely seeking a reminder of the short period when there was a break from the mundane and the country was entertained by the unusual drama between two footballers’ wives.
Rooney discovered that someone was leaking her private Instagram posts to the Sun. After some investigation, she suspected it was Rebekah Vardy, who was not a close friend or family member but had a close relationship with the Sun. To test her theory, Rooney set up fake stories on her account that only Vardy could see. As expected, the stories were leaked. Rooney shared her discovery on social media and Vardy took legal action for defamation. In a simple yet amusing trial, Vardy lost the case, adding to the entertainment of the nation.
The teaspoon of storytelling is thinly spread across the factual account in The Real Wagatha Story. The initial installment only introduces the event that sets the plot in motion. We are taken to Mallorca in 2017, following a prologue of Rooney avoiding a photographer to grab a coffee and asserting her right to speak for herself after others have shared their perspectives (and before – although unspoken, it is evident – Vardy shares hers).
In Mallorca, Rooney is about to discover that Wayne was arrested for driving under the influence – with a woman who is not his wife in the car. The aftermath is thoroughly described, but the most important detail is nonverbal – the look on Rooney’s mother’s face, which appears to convey: “I care for him, but at times I am disappointed. I want to shake some sense into him.” (Colette is truly remarkable.)
This is simply to bring us to the moment when Rooney shares a photo on her personal Instagram of the family wearing matching pajamas in bed. This photo is leaked to the Sun and leads to a story about Wayne being forgiven by Rooney.
Now we must focus on insignificant details being presented in a dull manner. A visit to Croxteth in Liverpool, the hometown of the couple, is described along with a brief overview of their early years together. Colette mentions Wayne’s rise to fame as a professional footballer, which included his transition from an excellent student to being constantly ambushed by men hiding behind trash cans (as her facial expression conveys). The couple’s engagement occurs, followed by Wayne joining Manchester United and their lives becoming even more heavily covered by tabloids.
Afterwards, we see Wayne’s “misconduct” – only referred to as such. With a tense statement from his wife, “Some errors are more difficult to forgive than others,” we return to the main plot, which seems to be dragging on endlessly.
The second installment continues without end. It is slightly more exciting, but still involves a tedious journey across desolate terrain, with little new information revealed. Is it necessary to detail every trial run leading up to the final trap set for Vardy? Additionally, there is a forced and insensitive mention of the author’s sister Rosie, who had Rett syndrome and passed away at age 14 in 2013.
Perhaps this film becomes more engaging once the trial is featured in the last episode (which cannot be reviewed), but there is likely nothing truly compelling there. The intense media attention and subsequent analysis have likely already covered everything. Rebekah, over to you now.
Coleen Rooney: The Real Wagatha Story is on Disney+